Online Dating... Um, Yeah...

Okay, so I spent most of the day with a very happy married couple and when you're single... well... that can be hard. Don't get me wrong, I really like both of them and had a lot of fun. All the same, I decided it was time to renew my online dating presence. 
The History:
I despised the idea of online dating for a looooooong time, but as a teacher I don't necessarily meet a lot of single guys, you know? Plus, at the time I started I had just moved to Denver for the summer and had no friends here and nothing to occupy my time. I was lonely and bored... so I sucked it up and wrote a profile. I chatted with a few guys, and met exactly one guy in person. He wasn't the only guy I talked to, but he definitely took the cake.  He suggested (on our first and only date) that since I was going to be away from Denver for nine months, he could get me pregnant before I left and I would be back just in time to have the baby. Ummm... yeah... no. I do of course want children and I'm definitely feeling the tick of my biological clock, but really?! 1) I don't know you well enough to even consider kissing you, let alone having a baby with you. 2) Why on earth would I want to be away from the father of my child during my first pregnancy, when a girl really needs support from her significant other? And 3) That would have been me getting pregnant after knowing the father for only two months. I'm not that desperate. Plus I want to be married before I have children, and I'm not going to marry you within two months. After saying something like that, I'm not going to marry you ever.
So, after that, you probably understand why I made my profile invisible and took a break from the online dating thing. Although actually it was because I met someone through the aforementioned married friend (which didn't work out). But it totally could have been because of crazy guys like that.
Anyway... when I renewed this profile and made it visible again, I did a quick search for guys in the area where I normally live, as opposed to Denver where I am just for another month or so. Saw some interesting profiles, too. And this, finally, is the point of this post. I have decided that some of these are interesting enough to share with other people. Take this one, for example:

"Relaxed, stable married man (please don't judge, the wife knows I'm here and doing this), gainfully employed, own my own vehicle looking for no strings attached fun. I'm in a happy marriage , just looking for someone to have fun with every now and then to spice things up. Will provide pictures upon request."

Or how about these?

Under the "seeking" heading: 

"A woman ages 18 to 59"

Under the interests heading: 

"I actually like the notebook"

riding bikes in Walmart (haha)

Under the "About Me" heading:

My rap name is ''TIGHTY WHITEY'' 

These I actually thought were funny in a good way: 

"you can check out my facebook if you want to cyber-stalk me. [facebook address]

If you are a stalker, would you please go through my postal mail and throw away all the junk? Thanks in advance creepy woman."

 "I am also afraid of spiders and I hate smug people my personal hell would be making love to a smug spider "

So yeah... there are some interesting ones out there. We'll see if I meet anyone awesome, though. Wish me luck! (Typed "lick" by accident, boy am I glad I caught that before I hit "post"! Please don't wish me lick.)

Oh, and you might be interested to know that "tighty whitey" winked at me while I was writing this post.